Updated: Jun 24, 2020
I made it.
And I was there on my own too. The only single guy from a mile around. Aside from all my Surrogacy UK friends and family - but this particular diary, this particular journey was of a single intended parent.. We were called IPs for short. Intended Parents. I wanted to call them all Inspirational parents for what they were seeking to do. Have someone else carry their child. What an unbelievable ask. :
The Diary of Dave was the ramblings of a single gay guy - cohabiting with cats and clown fish and cleaner shrimp - but still surely and proudly single. The diary began in January 2019 on the member only pages of the Surrogacy UK website. I had thought I might have even been the first and only single male IP in the member section. I remember posting that I hoped that would change and that other guys like me would have the chance of starting their families this way.
Here is the diary entry.
"Any introduction wouldn't be right without a pic of my girls. Helen (black and white) and Tootsie (tortoiseshell)
They're getting on a bit now in years but still remain as ever completely adorable and full of whimsy. We’ve talked together about having a baby in the household. They’re totally cool about it – or at least Helen is. I did have to reassure Toots that another mouth to feed won’t interfere with her 6am biscuit call.
I work as a Teacher of the Deaf in Southampton, supporting deaf learners in schools and advising on their unique needs. My previous job was running a deaf provision in a mainstream school, and teaching sign language to profoundly deaf children. I always loved learning sign language and it eventually took me back to university for a Deaf Education degree at Leeds where I gained my Teacher of the Deaf qualification. My work is really important to me, the kids, the community and the families I support.
I’ve wanted to be a Dad for a very long time now. Yes the odds of my having a biological child were always heavily stacked against me: a single male, and gay –you couldn’t really get further away from an easier option to be able to father children. Everything, my biology (male), my psychology (gay) and complete satisfaction in being single had all conspired against me.
So really, I should have thrown in the towel a long time ago – had I been wired any differently. But I think I was always meant to be a father - rewiring myself would have led to nothing less than a short circuit. There was nothing left to do but investigate EVERY option.
Over 3 years ago I began a coparent relationship with a very good friend. We created 5 embryos with donor eggs using IVF in Finland, but desperately we lost the baby at 8 weeks. It was a tough time and me and my friend decided not to try again. The stinger was that the embryos are still in Finland but I cannot use them over here because surrogacy is illegal in Finland and despite my friend consenting, they won't export them. So I have decided to try again this time on my own. I still keep the embryos alive, as they are very important part of my journey and they taught me a lot about myself, and continue to do so.. perhaps one day the law in Finland might change... as laws do...It was of course a law change that allowed me to become a member here.
I considered adoption but I didn’t feel it was right for me. I know that you don’t have to share DNA to be a Dad, but being a biological Dad was so central to my need. There was nothing left to do but wait until the surrogacy laws changed, to allow single people to sign parental orders. And after years waiting, finally this January it did, and I became a member shortly afterwards.
I am starting my journey with Surrogacy UK in 2019, in the hope the Dad Dream may finally happen. "